Been a bit out of the loop over the past couple of weeks and am just now reading some of the wonderful things that have been said about Nik.
Being an extremely private person, I’ve debated over whether or not to share some of my own thoughts and reflections about Nik’s life and death. I am generally pretty guarded about my experiences and emotions, but in this particular case, and with this particular person, I think that sharing with others is appropriate and acceptable. Perhaps others may like to hear one person’s miscellaneous ramblings on Nik’s last days and moments.
Sunday, August 4th, Dwain and I had been in the Valley for a couple of days, and walked to Nik’s hotel to greet him upon his arrival to Lauterbrunnen. He was glowing after a week-long holiday in Paris with his girlfriend Adrienne. Talking a mile a minute, barely understandable - the Louvre, museums, walking miles, antique absinthe spoons, the Moulin Rouge, dinner with Seb & flying through the streets in Seb’s Porche, a building jump in Paris, and a big fat $1,400.00 dinner! Holy cow! He said that he’d had the best time of his life and was just thrilled at how much fun Adrienne had. He was alive and in true Nikolas form.
All of us jumpers met for lunch, and Nik and I had a brief conversation alone at a separate table (the only two smokers being banished to the corner of the outside deck). He asked me in muted tones my honest opinion of how difficult the hikes were, and I assured him that he was in fine shape for these hikes, to which he smiled in relief, and continued enjoying his cigarette. He went to make his first jump in the Valley, from La Mousse that afternoon.
Monday, August 5th, we all met for a fun load off of La Mousse, - this was his favorite (albeit only) jump in the Valley so far - he said he loved the long freefalls and that he didn’t want to do anything else while there. In usual form, Nik gave the female taxi driver a hard time and joked with her about “nudging her in the morning”. We all hiked, talked, laughed. Gearing up at the exit point, Nikolas said, “Karin!”, I turned my head in response, and he said, “Don’t look…”, as he peed about 3 feet from me. Typical. Coffee and conversation after the jump. Smiles all around.
Tuesday, August 6th, 8 of us met at the crack of dawn for a jump from Murren, or “The Noooose” as Nik kept saying over and over… and OVER again. Nik had made 4 jumps from La Mousse so far, and this was his first jump from another wall. Train ride in the morning mist. The hike - Nik and I brining up the rear as usual, talking and sloshing around in the mud. Arrived at the exit point, everyone was gearing up, Nik was trying to show everyone his “FBI” knickers that had shooting targets on them (his girlfriend Adrienne is an FBI Agent, and of course, Nik was just delighted at this). Everyone was geared up. Nik and I shared a cigarette, as we always did.
And then he said something amazing… “Let’s just sit here for a bit and take in the view….isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t that odd for me? You know how I usually am. But it’s just so smashing here…”, as he looked across the breathtaking Valley. For anyone who’s jumped with Nik, you understand why this is amazing -- he was ALWAYS the first one off of any jump. He absolutely hated hanging out at an exit point for too long - he just wanted off the darn object ASAP.
We queued up for exit. Nik was fourth to jump. It started to drizzle. He scrambled down to the exit point. Composed himself. Gave a good positive launch. A little head-down and cocked to the left, but looked OK. Couldn’t see anymore of the jump because the exit rolls over a bit.
Dwain, Anne, myself and Aussie Doug were still on top and got a radio call from Fast Al on the ground, “Somebody call an ambulance, Nik’s bounced big-time.” Time stopped. Life changed.
I suppose that I could search for some profound existential meaning in Nik’s death, but somehow, it all seems to come back to the fact that he’s just gone. And I miss him. He was a beautiful, passionate, wild, tortured soul, as so many geniuses are. He drove me nuts with his manic flurry of ups & downs, made me furious at times, made me smile at others, and melted me with his thoughtfulness and generosity. We were rivals and we were friends.
As much as I want him back, I truly do believe that we all have “Our Day” inked in the calendar of Life. And August 6th was Nik’s day. I feel blessed to have been there and to have shared those last few days with him. He was happy, he was healthy and he was smiling. And he went out fighting. The Valley setting was brilliant and befit him to a tee.
RISK and what it means… how my/our decisions affect the lives of others - their happiness, security and comfort. Is it worth it? I don’t know. It’s difficult to quantify and perhaps futile to reduce it all to that one question. But I do know that it sucks to bury a son, a brother, a friend, a lover.
It’s difficult to understand how something as beautiful and life-affirming as BASE jumping goes hand-in-hand with such loss and deep sorrow and pain. Maybe we’re all nuts to keep plugging away down this path.
But I guess the only way that any of us can exist and function in daily life is due in large part to the reasonable expectation that we will again see and touch those that we love and care about. And since there are no guarantees in this game, we are all obliged to go about our way and live our lives according to our own creeds. Nik definitely did this. No regrets and no apologies.
As Nik used to say, “It’s all about the smiles.”
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