My Lemmings Video

guest · April 17th, 2001, 08:29 AM

Where is my video? I should definitely have gotten it by now. Everyone else has, but not me. If I do not get it soon, I will have no choice but to club a harp seal to death with my favorite soup ladle. And we all know how long it would take to kill even a baby harp seal with a plastic soup ladle. At best it would take about 10 minutes of constant clubbing, and if your arm gets tired you're kinda screwed because while your arm is resting the seal will recover a little bit and you will be back to square one. I know, you all are saying, "Hey, just bash away with your other arm while you rest the one you started with." Well, I'm not very coordinated so I would probably hit myself in the shin or something. Knutson, don't remove this post, as I'm completely serious about this. Anyway, please send me a video. I don't think the facts that I was not at NRGB or never even ordered a video should be a problem. I deserve one because people like me a LOT. If you know how much I was beloved by my parents, you would say, "Damnit, that guy deserves a free video." Anyway, I recommend we get on the ball, get a video out to me, and never mention the subject again. Tree, I have your car keys. I'm afraid I used up your mace on some snails in my garden yesterday. I'm sorry.

guest · April 17th, 2001, 10:51 AM

What the hell are you talking about? I have my car keys and have no idea who you are.

But the bit about the seal and soup ladle was pretty funny. If you have a day job I suggest you give it up and pursue comedy. You'll be a big star.

guest · April 17th, 2001, 12:02 PM

>What the hell are you talking about? I
>have my car keys and have no idea who
>you are.
>
>But the bit about the seal and soup
>ladle was pretty funny. If you have a
>day job I suggest you give it up and
>pursue comedy. You'll be a big star.

so you have your damned keys. My wacker is itchn'to jump!

guest · April 17th, 2001, 12:24 PM

I like to jump as well. My wacker wants to jump off wonderful high spots as well. We should pool our wackers and jump together in glorious BASE harmony. Would you like that? I would like that. Could you find it in your wacker to jump with me some day?
Once when I first jumped my friends warned me about wacker jumping, but I did not listen, because all they did all day was ride snow scoots down the snowy mountain slopes and jump sphincters, as they called it. So I said to myself, "Pongo, you do not need to listen to these sphincter-jumpers." And I paid the price, for now I am nothing better than a wacker jumper.
Tree, I am sorry about your keys. I lost my keys once. It was very disconcerting. But then it turned out they were in my pocket the whole time! Oh, how I laughed at that one. Anyway, I must go back to wonderful work now. I will see you all in Twin Falls in two weeks time. I love you!!

guest · April 17th, 2001, 02:00 PM

As a member of Greenpeace and a former deckhand on the Rainbow Warrior I must say I find your attempt at humor quite objectionable. Just because Will is still taking a dump ( hey, Will take some Exlax already) is no reason to threaten violence to the weakest members of our animal brethren. Our more impressionable readers, after being exposed to this sort of violence could begin to think it is okay to kill animals to satify their own perverted cravings . Or even worse, they could begin taking soup ladles with them to school and terrorizing their classmates, next thing you know you will have to pass a background check to own a soup ladle. The NRA will become the NR&SLA and will lobby congress to protect our rights to keep and bear unregistered soup ladles. Copycat soup ladlelists will start doing drive-by-soup-ladlelings in our nations cities--where will it end? For heavens sake man, THINK before touching your keyboard, you right wing fifth columnist!!!! If you have a bad day, don't kick your dog, or raise your ladle in anger, do something to make the world a better place for us all and throw yourself off a cliff(in the most ecologically sound way you can, being mindful of nesting peregrine falcons and try to avoid disturbing any indigenous species) When adrenaline is outlawed, only outlaws will have adrenalin, or something like that.....